Very often I stare. I stare out of the window. I stare at people. I stare at the computer screen.
People think I'm daydreaming. But I'm not. Thats because I have nothing in particular to dream of.
And more often than not I am usually clueless of what thoughts I had while I was staring. Usually I am mesmerized by colours I see. Colours, things, people, sights, views. Anything.
And staring has got me into trouble.
On a recent flight between HK and Singapore I suddenly realised that a (presumably English) tall, red-faced burly corporate attired elder man with an incredulous look on his face was madly gesticulating across the aisle...I did a double take...looked around and realised that since I was the only one in the row, it was probably directed at me. So I looked at him with raised eyebrows..what followed was a tad dramatic but suffice to say, with some lipreading and flailing-arms-reading & other hand-movement reading, I realised, that not only had I been staring, I had also been making faces at him for a while ( probably while cursing the hectic itinerary in my head.) It was most embarrassing.
I have been also told that I stare at women more than I stare at men. Which I am thankful for. It could have otherwise brought some complications.
And when I'm staring, I sort of zone out, so slight movements or noise behind me doesnt filter through till someone comes really close, at which point I get startled. My getting startled somehow usually startles the other person as well. Monday last however, when R furtively whispered for a cigarrette, since I was on the edge of my seat, I also fell off. Much to the amusement of R & the rest of my colleagues. Needless to say, I didnt give R a smoke. I am also endangered by a big boss who takes pleasure in creeping up behind my chair and then loudly hollering in my ear. That too, amuses my colleagues. And the big boss. I am glad I provide such entertainment. Maybe I should start getting paid for that as well.
The monsoons are particularly distracting, since I have a beautiful view of green grass, grey skies and falling rain (the glass, cement and steel monstrosities somehow fade into the background). Nightfall brings bursts of orange streetlights and myriad colours of refracted lights from vehicles on the road. So as a rule of self-discipline the blinds remain drawn. Terrible Tuesday of last week and the cloudburst that followed, caused the blinds to be undrawn. So I have spent a blissful one week staring out of the window & the rest of the time wrestling my mind, telling myself to get back to work. And since most of my colleagues (including the boss) had remained in the safe confines of their homes through the week, thankfully I didnt fall out of a chair.